THE YEAR WAS 2135, and everybody finally received equal opportunity. They didn't only have equal opportunity in the workforce. They had equal opportunity in every which way. Nobody was taught differently from anyone else. Nobody's parents could bring them up differently from anyone else. Nobody had access to more learning material than anyone else. Nobody was behind or ahead of anyone else in their grade. All this equal opportunity was due to the 48th, 49th, and 50th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the endless testing of agents of the United States Private Educating Company.
Some things about the school year still weren't quite right, though. The temperature in winter, for instance, still drove students mad by being just above freezing. And it was on one rainy day that the P-E agents came into the windowless computer room and took a 9th grade student, Jo Doe, away.
It was tragic, all right, but at least it wasn't his parents fault. They had raised their child up like any other parent would - without much attention, so that no child would have more care than any other. The P-E agents had come because Jo Doe had been taking unfair advantage of learning material until he was so far ahead of everyone else nobody would ever catch up.
The students were taking a standardized test. They were shocked about what had happened, of course, but they weren't thinking about it right then.
On the computer screen was an essay prompt.
"Discuss how the author uses stylistic techniques to develop her message," it said.
It had said the same thing every year past, except sometimes the author was male, and sometimes instead of "message" it said "characters".
Alice Doe thought about the prompt. She wasn't related to Jo Doe, but to ensure equality, all people were given the same last name. She thought about the prompt, and about how the computer algorithm scored tests (to make sure no student knew more than others, the details of the algorithm were always released), and began typing until the tester told them to submit and announced that they would take a five minute stretch break.
None of the students moved. They were used to sitting in chairs for long hours by now.
"That was a real nice test," one of the students, Bob, declared. "Harder than last year's, but not too hard." Alice, who hadn't thought it was any different from last year's, restrained a snort. Bob was almost always the slowest to learn something, so the teacher kept pace by him and made especial sure that nobody said anything mean to him. "I'm glad the teacher prepared us so well for it."
In front, the tester gave him an indulgent smile. The tester wasn't the teacher, because teachers had a degree in teaching, not in making and giving standardized tests. Instead, teachers would spend the time in a meeting about how to make sure all students were equally prepared, even if they had different learning curves, so that no child was ever left behind, and how to use the results to determine if any student was falling behind, because with over a hundred-fifty students each, teachers were clearly unable to do that and needed the help of standardized tests.
"Isn't it supposed to be a new test?" another student asked. "So that it can better assess our writing and critical thinking abilities, in response to long-standing concerns of parents and teachers?" she quoted.
"Oh. Was it?" Bob asked vaguely. He blushed. "I never notice anymore. I just take them."
"They updated the multiple choice," the tester jumped in before anyone could point out anything untoward. "Now, you not only have to select the correct answer, the quote that supports the correct answer, and the explanation for why that quote supports the correct answer, but you also have to select the explanation that explains how your explanation makes sense. We realized that many students just use the quote and explanation choices to choose the correct answer for the first question. Now, to get full points, you have to understand what the explanation is saying. We also put each question on a separate page so students won't be able to view them before they answer."
The tester didn't seem to realize that that also meant that students needed to flip four pages to get back to their original answer to the first question, or that students were allowed to skip questions, so they just looked through all the questions before answering the first, or that students did it in the first place because all of the answer choices were always supportable by some quote.
"They had a new test last last year too, didn't they?" a different student commented. "They added a test for our math abilities. The school got all new MathPads so we could show our work more easily."
"No, it was a test to replace the one colleges use to see if they want us, and we just took a practice test for the practice test for that test," Alice said. "The new test was because some parents complained they didn't understand what the scores meant for the other tests, so they added a parent-friendly one that all parents could follow."
"That's correct," the tester said, sounding surprised. "Tests are very important so that the government, colleges, the state governments, your teachers, and your parents can see how you've been progressing and help you if you aren't real-world-ready, and being able to correctly use new technology is part of that, so we're constantly updating technology. They're also very important for making sure that nobody in the country is behind and that the quality of education remains high. You wouldn't understand how it works, of course, so I won't bother explaining, but that's why standardized tests are important. Now, this is a very good conversation, but your break's past, so go back to your seats."
The command was highly unnecessary, as they were all still in their seats. There was a video clip in this next section. Alice wondered, even as the microphone in her ear began playing sound, why they hadn't found a way to let them take notes on these things yet. But the next moment she stopped thinking so that she could concentrate on the video. The leader of the United States Private Educating Company was making a speech for the twentieth anniversary of the company's creation, and they were to analyze the rhetorical techniques used.
"As one of our presidents once said, 'standardized tests are what we pay for unbiased treatment'. He was almost correct. When he spoke, we had tests for colleges to compare students, but not all students could access the same resources to prepare for those tests. We had tests for teachers to measure progress, but they put too much focus on memorizing facts. We had tests for aptitude or disability, but many students parroted what their parents had told them to do. We had tests for governments to compare schools and districts, but teachers felt pressured."
A white box flitted over the screen. "Announcement," it said. "Jo Doe, age fourteen, has just escaped from jail, where he was held for subverting the system and on suspicion of further subverting the system. He has taken years of unfair advantage over others, and should be regarded as extremely dangerous." The text was accompanied by a picture of Jo Doe. Alice briefly took her mind off the test to read it, and felt a twinge of concern, but then her concentration was swallowed again. The test, an endless stream of teachers and testers had drilled into her, was more important. The box flitted across the screen, finally stopping in front of the leader of the United States Private Educating Company's face, where it stayed.
"In the last twenty years, the United States Private Educating Company has become the overwhelming leader in providing measurement tools for students, and in the last twenty years, our company has, with your aid, pressed the government to solve these problems. Access to resources that give students differing advantages on tests is now regulated. Parents leave their children to learn and develop naturally. The response to not meeting standards has been adjusted so that teachers are not unfairly punished. And, as a token of our commitment to our goals, the United States Private Educating Company has developed tests to measure its own success."
Then the screen flashed white and static filled Alice's ears. Her eyelids slammed shut.
When she dared open her eyes again, the leader of the United States Private Educating Company was gone, replaced by the familiar sight of her former classmate.
"I am the God!" cried Jo. "Do you hear? I am the God! I have taken over your test with my hacking prowess, and thus I am your God!"
In the classroom, the tester screamed, and then fell over in a dead faint.
"I have replaced your video, and I will replace your government!" The screen flickered, and then steadied again. "From now on," Jo declared, "you will never take more than one standardized test a year! You will not suffer any restraints to learn any less than your desire takes you for the sake of others! No more five-year-olds will be tested to determine either 'aptitude' or 'real-life readiness'! No more restless children will be subdued by years of education by two-hour-long tests, in preparation for four-hour-long ones! NO LONGER WILL YOU SPEND MORE TIME TESTING THAN LEARNING!"
As if in anticipation for their reaction, Jo paused, and the classroom exploded in wild cheers.
"These tests," Jo continued, "these tests made by a deity-company and not educators, are a farce. They cover skills that ARE NOT what we should be focusing on learning. They do not test EITHER our knowledge OR our abilities. They do NOT reflect real life skills. They CRUSH the MAGIC in learning. These tests have not led our teachers to teach ANY MORE than they would have. We haven't learned how to analyze. We've learned how to click and drag! We've learned how to fool an algorithm! And yet we spent millions, billions EACH YEAR on these tests? Once upon a time, I believed that these tests would help me. I tried to suffer through. And then I realized what they were doing to me. What had been done to me. I realized how much more I could be, how much more I was, and I say down with the endless testing! Down with the stress and the cost and the waste of time! Down with putting all children on the same level! Down with looking at the WRONG THINGS! Down with the objective, useless, lazy methods of testing higher order thinking! Down with questions with MULTIPLE plausible answers but only ONE correct one! DOWN WITH THE SOUNDBITE EDUCATION!"
Jo's face was wild, and lit with a mad light. "I am more! And I will make you more! I will return learning to what it should be! I will release you from your constraints!" People were cheering, shouting, some had leapt to their feet. Jo raised his arms, pumped his fists, and they raised their arms with him. "The solution to over-testing isn't more testing! The solution is me! You will learn, learn things for fun, and for your future. I WILL LEAD YOU TO YOUR FUTURE! I AM YOUR FUTURE!"
"YOU ARE MY FUTURE!" the students screamed, and the roof rattled.
A shot rang out, and then Jo slumped, dead. They saw him, for a moment, the light gone from his eyes, and then the screen went black.
When it came on again, the leader of the United States Private Education Company was continuing. Before Alice could think about what she was doing, her mind snapped into testing state, pushing back all extraneous emotions as she had been trained. She felt vaguely sad, and angry, but the timer was ticking and some precious time had been wasted.
"But," said the leader, "though we have achieved many notable goals, we must continue striving..."
Please comment! Thanks :) Suggestions have a high chance of becoming revisions, especially if there are complaints against standardized tests that weren't addressed.
