C. America

Observe the Capitalus America. This mighty organism is known for its dominance, violence, and power. Watch how it interacts with the Islaminus Syria. The I. Syria, which is suffering from a severe autoimmune disorder, is suddenly bombed by it. Now Communistus Russia is arguing with C. America. But let us look away to focus on the C. America.

C. America is a highly organized being. If you peel back its protective layer of patriotism, you will see the states, fifty of them. Probe further and you will find the county, city, family, person, organ system, organ, tissue, and so on. Looking more closely, we can see that there are many systems operating at different levels to keep C. America functioning.

Oh dear. C. America is suffering from a mild autoimmune disorder of its own, that makes its police misunderstand signals from B-people. This disorder does not seem to be severe, but it will need to be closely monitored to prevent it from becoming life threatening.

And look at all these tumors, some of which may be cause for concern. This is the Bill Gates tumor, a benign tumor. This one is especially benign because it will disappear on its own. But what have we here? Oh no. This one is the Martin Shkreli tumor, one of the more active malignant tumors. The Shkreli tumor and other tumors like it have metastasized into the healthcare system and begun to destroy it. It looks like C. America will need a transplant.

Ah, I see. C. America has already received a healthcare transplant recently. Unfortunately, it has rejected the transplant and partially destroyed it. What remains is already beginning to be infected by tumors. Perhaps a transplant from its cousin, Socialistus Europe? Chances of rejection look high, but perhaps there is no other choice.

Note the internal struggle within C. America. This organism’s brain is divided into the Democrat and the Republican half. Unfortunately, the bridge between the two parts has eroded, preventing the two sides from communicating with each other. This accounts for many of C. America’s strange behaviors. If you look closer, you’ll find that while presidents still undergo regular apoptosis, many officials aren’t responding to extracellular signals.

Uh oh! C. America has noticed us watching and doesn’t appreciate it. Be careful—this organism is known to be extremely dangerous when provoked!